


Am I attractive?

by maddiedarlin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-02 20:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4073464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiedarlin/pseuds/maddiedarlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is curious about what it means to be attractive and takes it too far. I suck at summaries....Let's begin!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

Cas stood alone in front of the mirror examining his face. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he brushed his fingers across his four day old stubble and poked at the dark, puffy skin under his eyes. He had noticed how important vanity was in the society of human beings. As a result of overhearing the conversations of his beloved Winchesters or random men and women on the street, he had learnt of which features were anesthetically pleasing to the human eye. 

 

Nice hair; Cas sighed, his hair was forever a tangled mess that, despite his many efforts, couldn't be tamed. His dark and messy bed head was always spread in so many different directions and it always amazed him when he thought of how nicely Jimmy was able to keep his hair when Castiel was an angel and still couldn't get it right. Cas wasn't entirely to blame though, Jimmy had the knowledge of all the hair products that humans had access to. He had tried them once but the hair gel Cas used caused his hair to mimic the appearance of needles making him look like a porcupine. 

 

Pretty smile; He groaned in distain. Cas had a particular hatred for his smile; not because of it's appearance, he just didn't think someone like him deserved to smile. When he had tried to become God he did such horrific things in Heaven and on Earth. So many of his family executed by his hand because he thought he could do better than his creator. The thought that made Cas' stomach turn was that the next time he perished he might end up in the cage with his older brothers in Hell as punishment for his sins. 

 

Physically fit; Cas unbuttoned and removed his shirt, inspecting his arms and torso. Jimmy Novak had been an avid runner and swimmer which left him in exellent shape, but Cas' lack of effort to maintain that shape had caused the muscles to suffer. Cas' face had a look of distress as many troubling thoughts entered his mind; 'Perhaps this is the reason Dean hasn't been physically intimate with me yet' or 'Maybe Dean hides our relationship because he too is ashamed of my appearance.' Cas' head was in a panic, trying to piece together some viable solution and suddenly an idea appeared. His hair and smile were lost causes but there was one thing he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was so short but it's my first try so please don't be to harsh with the criticism. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam stared at the small angel in shock. It was five forty five in the morning so Sam had awakened with the intention of getting in a workout before Dean got up demanding breakfast. At least that was the plan until he saw Castiel standing by the door fidgeting with his fingers. Castiel being awkward was some thing the taller Winchester had come to expect but this vision in front of him wasn't Castiel's usual awkward self. The trench coat that had become easily associated with the angel was gone instead he was clad in a red hoodie, running shorts, and sneakers. Sam cleared his throat, gaining Cas's attention .

 

"Good morning, Sam. I was worried that you had already departed for your excursion." The great deal of relief in Cas' words had sparked Sam's curiosity.

"Is that why you were pacing in front of the door like a puppy waiting for its master" Sam teased as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. Cas's head gave a slight tilt as if to further Sam's reference. 

" What did you need, Cas?" Sam's suspicion grew when he saw the way the angel's eyes lower towards the floor and a light pink flush invade his cheeks.

" I had a request of you and would appreciate it if you would assist me." Sam raised an eyebrow. This was the first time Cas had asked for a favor through him. Whenever Cas needed something he'd ask Dean or Sam would have to turn detective and figure out what was troubling the angel. It was never this straight-forward.

" Sure, man. What's up?" His question was met with a nearly inaudible whisper that barely escaped Cas's mouth but Sam heard it.

" You want me to help you workout? Why?" Sam looked over Cas trying to deduce some reason behind the angel's logic. 'Cas had saved his and Dean's ass more times than he could count so it wasn't as though he was weak'. " My reasons are my own, Sam. Now are you going to help me or not?!" Surprised and suspicious of the usually even-tempered angel's snappy response, Sam gave in. " Alright, Cas. I help you out." Sam tossed an extra water bottle at the angel which was easily caught and gave a playful smirk. " But I'm not pulling any punches."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a little short but hopefully a little better the next chapter is going to be longer I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been almost a month since Cas and Sam had become workout buddies and frankly, it was pissing Dean off. Dean use to enjoy when Sammy would leave to work out or do yoga or whatever the hell it was Sam did when he left because it gave Dean some alone time with his angel, but now the two would leave in the morning and return after dark. 

 

Dean missed Cas. He missed the soft kisses and feather light touches they would share when Dean would crawl into bed with Cas under the pretnse that he was trying to wake up the blue-eyed angel. The longing he felt for Cas was upsetting but the worst part was the jealous ping that made his chest ache whenever he thought of how much time his brother and his angel were spending together. Dean shook his head and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge. He released a groan and shut the door a little harder than he had meant to. He felt embarrassed and ashamed, he was getting jealous of his own little brother for God's sake. Sam had always had a sneaking suspicion of Dean's feelings for the angel and wouldn't do anything so why was Dean freaking out like this. 

 

He had lifted the beer to his lips again when he had heard the soft click of the door open and close. He rolled his eyes expectantly for the loud post workout chatter that usually followed when the pair returned, but he heard nothing. Dean leaned forward to peek around the door frame into the foyer. Cas had his hands on the railing by the front door. His face was flushed and had little beads of sweat rolling down off his forehead. Dean got up and placed a hand on on the center of Cas's back .

 

"Cas? Are you ok?" Cas's eyes slowing moved to Dean. Dean looked him over, he didn't like the way Cas's fingers and legs seemed to vibrate under the pressure of his own weight . Cas gave a slow nod before Dean saw those blue eyes roll back into the back of Cas's skull. Dean rushed forward and grabbed the limp angel before he could hit the floor. Dean slide his arm underneath Cas' legs in a way similar to a man with his new bride. He knew something was wrong the second he held Cas in his arms. Cas was lighter than expected which Dean knew was not right. He had held Cas multiple times before whether it was after a rough case where they both were to tired to walk or when Cas had had nightmares and would crawl into bed with him. This was not the warm and pleasant pressure that nestled into Dean's side. This weak, frail looking version was not his beloved angel. Cas' normally warm, olive oil colored skin had become pale and clammy. His adorably messy bed head had grown limp and fallen flat against his forehead. Dean carried the sickly angel to his bed, trying desperately to ignore how prominently Cas' ribs and hipbones jutted out from underneath taut skin to the point he was afraid it would rip. The angel was placed gently in the center of the bed while Dean stared down in a mixture of anger and concern. This was HIS angel, HIS castiel, and he refused to stand for any one hurting HIS angel. Dean looked down watching Cas shiver and twitch in his unconscious state. At that moment Dean swore to every God, Demi-God, angel, demon, monster, and every other sonovabitch that had their ears on that he was gonna get to the bottom of what the hell was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I hope that this was an improvement and I'm so happy I found the time to put up this chapter. I guess finals week is good for something :) any helpful comments are appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt bad for taking so long so hopefully this will hold u guys over till the next chapter.

Cas came to alone in Dean's room. He couldn't help the small sense of fear and anxiety that rushed through his body. He knew that was he had been doing was wrong but he was so desperate to keep the affection of the elder Winchester that he no matter how much he tried to rationalize the situation he couldn't stop himself. Now it was worse, his dirty little secret was brought out into the light by Dean, no less . Cas' heart pounded with the thought of the consequences. Would Dean leave him? Would he be forced to leave the bunker? Would Dean hate him now? 

 

The resounding thump of footsteps and voices on the other side of the door caused Cas' breath to catch in his throat. He recognized the voice of his beloved Winchester approaching so he did what anyone in his situation would do; he laid back and pretended to be asleep. The soft click of the knob turning seemed deafening the room's silence. He counted each foot step as the entered until they ceased beside the bed. Cas felt Dean's warm hand reach out and caress the side of the angel's cheek before he released a heavy sigh.

 

"You can stop faking, Cas. Your leg does that twitch thing when you're really asleep. " Castiel slowly peeked one eye open to assess the issue but Dean's face remained unreadable. All Castiel wanted at that was to pull the hunter close and beg for forgiveness but he was fearful of the possible rejection he would face.

 

" hello, Dean. I appreciate you moving me to your bed while I was unconscious. I'll get you a beer to say thank-you." Cas attempted to get up but a strong hand placed in the center of his chest prevented him from doing so.

 

"Nice try. Sit your happy ass down, Cas. You and me need to have a talk."


	5. Chapter 5

Cas fiddled with his fingers as he felt Dean's eyes burn against his skin. They had been sitting in uncomfortable silence for what felt like hours and Cas was too scared to break the silence himself. He was slightly relieved when Dean opened his mouth. "What's going on with you,Cas? Why are you concerned with working out all of a sudden?" He inquired.

Cas refused to look at Dean face because he knew that if he looked into those dark emerald eyes he would be undone. All the guilt and shame and insecurity that eroded away his insides would rush to the surface.

 

"I wished to improve my health. I was under the impression that physical activity was the correct way. "  
Dean seemed indifferent towards Cas' response. Cas could feel his hands shaking. Could he have been wrong? What if after all his hard work Dean still didn't want him?

 

"Cas, when was the last time you ate?" Dean's voice was so gentle but Cas could sense the storm behind the words. Cas opened his mouth but all that was heard was silence. He knew Dean was upset with him and just that thought made his stomach twist in knots. Cas' lack of an answer infuriated Dean.

 

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU! YOU COULD KILL YOURSELF LIKE THAT CASTIEL!" Dean's words cut the angel like a blade.

 

"I-I did it for you, Dean." Cas mumble so quietly that it was barely audible but Dean heard. 

 

" For me ? What the hell do you mean you did it for me?" 

 

" You and Sam talk about appearances all the time and I realized that the reason you haven't been intimate with me is because I do not yet meet your standards of beauty." All emotion from Dean's face faded and he grew silent. It wasn't until several minutes of agonizing tension had passed that Cas finally raised his eyes to look at his beloved Winchester. Dean walked to the angel, reaching out to cup the angel's cheek in his palm.

 

" Cas, you are the most beautiful thing in the world to me." Cas was surprised by Dean's soft and loving tone.

 

 

"Then why do you refuse to be intimate with me and not the females you had been with previously?" Dean gave a heavy sigh, raking his fingers through his hair.

 

"Because I've never been with another man before, Cas. I just didn't want our first time together to be a drunken cheap one night stand. I want you to stay with me, Cas." Cas wrapped his arms around the man's neck and pressed their lips together. Dean's smile spread until they both wore the same goofy grin.

 

"Where else would I rather be than in the arms of my righteous man?"


End file.
